It ruined my morning, pondering about this mess of families. It won't ruin the whole day though.
I believe I will always wonder what happens in their minds. How they make it through their lives without connecting to their family. I mean honestly, how does anyone live without knowing the smiles of C&H?
I have to keep reminding myself that I have made my life what it is without them. I am not dependent on them for anything. I am surrounded by love and joy, and to be honest, my step is lighter and happier, and cozy as can be. Sigh...
11.24.2008
part two: the mother
So today is B's birthday. I feel all warm and fuzzy about it too, because she's so fantastic! To follow Chey's lovely lead, I put 'birthday girl: xoxox', and suddenly my mom popped on gmail chat with this note: i know it was your birthday. i thought about you all day. love you. Then she immediately signed off.
About five months ago, I saw her on gmail chat, and immediately tried to talk with her. Hi. How are you? It's been a long time. I miss you. The girls do too. She got on and said, Can't talk now, but I love you too. That's it. Two months later, I sent her a postcard to my show. It had my email address, my real address, and my phone number (all of which she has, but you know, in case she lost it??).
Yeah, this story isn't uplifting. Why? Why? Why? Why can't I get over that my mother and brother want nothing to do with me? When the time is right, she WILL contact me, and apologize or EVERYTHinG under ths sun, including the economy and pink toilet paper, and Bratz dolls. She will overwhelm me with sorrys until my heart will explode and I will invite her back in. This WILL happen again though.
To think she's only met Clementine the one time. To think that she lives off of Center Street. To think it all, it's just heartcrushing.
About five months ago, I saw her on gmail chat, and immediately tried to talk with her. Hi. How are you? It's been a long time. I miss you. The girls do too. She got on and said, Can't talk now, but I love you too. That's it. Two months later, I sent her a postcard to my show. It had my email address, my real address, and my phone number (all of which she has, but you know, in case she lost it??).
Yeah, this story isn't uplifting. Why? Why? Why? Why can't I get over that my mother and brother want nothing to do with me? When the time is right, she WILL contact me, and apologize or EVERYTHinG under ths sun, including the economy and pink toilet paper, and Bratz dolls. She will overwhelm me with sorrys until my heart will explode and I will invite her back in. This WILL happen again though.
To think she's only met Clementine the one time. To think that she lives off of Center Street. To think it all, it's just heartcrushing.
part one: the brother
Last week, I couldn't hear. Apparently, (I realize you don't really want to know this about me, so sorry!), I'm kinda waxy, and despite my cleaning of my ears, there gets to be a ridiculous amount of goo (mmmm!) during the allergy season. So yeah, I had to go to Urgent Care. While sitting in the waiting room, adding words to my Fantastic Words list, a tall strangely balding man in a DHL shirt strode through the waiting room. It was my brother.
Looking around, he noticed my legs were in his path, so he said 'Excuse Me' and kept walking. Now I know I change hairstyles and such, and it has been awhile since we have spoken (almost two years since he delivered something to my office and we exchanged a 'Hey, How's it going?'). However, I am still his sister, and still unmistakably Gabrielle.
Did I stop him and say 'Hey, Daniel, how are you?'? Nope. I let him walk by and on his way back through the waiting room, I stared at him the whole time. I was a ghost.
A few months ago, a similar thing happened, but I was a few yards from him, crossing the street. Does he remember he has a sister?
Looking around, he noticed my legs were in his path, so he said 'Excuse Me' and kept walking. Now I know I change hairstyles and such, and it has been awhile since we have spoken (almost two years since he delivered something to my office and we exchanged a 'Hey, How's it going?'). However, I am still his sister, and still unmistakably Gabrielle.
Did I stop him and say 'Hey, Daniel, how are you?'? Nope. I let him walk by and on his way back through the waiting room, I stared at him the whole time. I was a ghost.
A few months ago, a similar thing happened, but I was a few yards from him, crossing the street. Does he remember he has a sister?
11.10.2008
secrets to beating the blues
- blanket forts with little princess faeries
- rides on the supply cart, even if you fall over because your coworker turns the corners to tightly
- drinking copious amounts of water
- staring off wistfully at the gorgeous autumn colors outside
- getting a radtastic haircut from a STAR (aka B)
- writing haiku
- laugh, even if it has to start as a fake one, real laughter is right there under the blue exterior
- shop for pens
- crank up your favorite music --- and i do mean LOUDLY!
11.07.2008
friday
It is hard to make the choice to divulge it all, or keep it quiet and personal. What is this blog anyway? Are the intricate inner workings of my mind what needs to be shared? Meh... It is Friday, so I will just write my list.
I am happy about:
Obama
Reading my vampire books
That it's Jennifer's kidfree weekend
Jacob could be making more yummy food
My girls are obsessed with this artificial flower bouquet, and continually run around the house with it: "Look Mama, we got you flowers!"
My friend, Rob
Cleaning up for the remodel at work
Optimism
Crying
Big comfy bed
I am happy about:
Obama
Reading my vampire books
That it's Jennifer's kidfree weekend
Jacob could be making more yummy food
My girls are obsessed with this artificial flower bouquet, and continually run around the house with it: "Look Mama, we got you flowers!"
My friend, Rob
Cleaning up for the remodel at work
Optimism
Crying
Big comfy bed
11.05.2008
how i feel this morning...
just like they did last night in the streets. Thanks Jared, for everything.
11.04.2008
11.03.2008
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)