Fork-fed: Or Why Does Gabrielle ONLY write about this Crap?!

“I am ready! I am ready!” spoketh Spongebob Squarepants. (Yeah, I watch too much of that show, and yeah, using the word ‘spoketh’ --- which isn’t even a word, well it’s RIDICULOUS! I know.) I suppose it’s just amazement that I’ve done this work and it’s ready for the show. I’m not frazzled. I’m not scared. I feel that it’s deeply important for me to have this satisfaction. This last year I sifted through everything I believed to be true, only to find that I was positively wrong about so much. Thankfully, I was surprised by an amazing amount of good that came out of it.

I build up everything. Things must be HUUUGE and OVERLY exciting, and IMPERATIVE, so of course I would carve this show into being my LIFECHANGING event. Why? I’ve put this little show at a coffeeshop up on a cement block that I am desperately trying to lift above my head. Hold it high, Gab, STEADY! What am I trying to prove? That I’m doing just fine? or that I’m a ‘real’ artist? Whatever the reason, I made a pact with myself to take this seriously. Be a professional, Gabrielle. Why can’t this be the culmination of a lifelong love of art and clippings?

I sent an invitation to people I haven’t spoken to in years: people I miss (like Karen Evans and my mom). What if they responded? What if this was what they were waiting for from me? These finished art pieces are the fruition of my hopeful heart. My yearning to do something that makes me proud. What if they sparked interest in others? How delightful that would be. I have cursed myself in being a ‘nice person’ because now I refuse to believe anyone’s positive feedback. I mean, of COURSE you’re going to say you like it, or it’s good, right?? Why would you say anything else? Instead of getting affirmation, this show is really about being an EGOMANIAC and wanting a stage for my artwork, and it’s a lovely excuse for uniting all my peoples and art, and I am quite excited about getting to share some drinks and happiness at my new home as well.

I’ve somehow drifted out of being a ‘hugger’, but all I want now is to get you all in big pile and give you hugs and kisses, because really, you have no idea what this means to me….

shamelss self-promotion

Albrecht Durer painted a self-portrait of himself. That’s fine, most artists do. Durer’s self-portrait though, was Durer as Jesus (more on that if you’re interested…)! There is this line that people cross which has always made me retch, somewhere along the lines you stop talking about this thing you’re good at, and it becomes this pontification of how you’re the BEST! And BRIGHTEST! with the MOST potential! the SMARTEST COOLEST EVER! Bah, I say. Bah! I always want to stick a little pinprick in their monologues, forcing them to see the errors of their ways. How rude! Let your talents speak for themselves!

Perhaps I’ve been bitter. I’ve spent so much life abhorring any expression of the ego. Now I feel like I have come full-circle and can barely stand it when people speak in modesty (especially when it’s FALSE!). The truth is, I am proud of the artwork I’ll be showing at the Coffee House. I am showing it to the world (well, mainly my friends and whomever frequents the café) because I honestly believe it has value and is interesting to look at. I would like to hang some of it on my walls. Is that weird? Meh. I’m tired of caring or worrying about how that would somehow mean I was a narcissist barely looking away from my own reflection. Is there something inherently wrong with enjoying the food that you make, or living in the house that you built? No. Listening to the music you make, or watching the movies you star in, or reading the books you wrote? Yeah, somehow this is on par with hanging your own artwork…but why?!? Oh the miracle rules of etiquette. There are things that are JUST NOT DONE! I’m just not sure that I want to follow those parameters any longer.

So Gabrielle, why can’t you just let people decide for themselves? Why MUST you go ON and ONNNNNN about it (oh and PS, I am about to go on and on, so just skip this post should you not be interested!)? I suppose selfishly, a large portion of my artmaking process is just the ‘thinking’ part. I really like to think of myself more as an art collector, hoarding these images for myself, and arranging them in visually interesting ways. I am not really ‘creating’ anything. Preparing for this show and forcing under gunpoint both Ryan and Jacob to talk me through these processes has bordered on masturbation. I mean seriously, there is NOTHING more satisfying than finding/developing these visual relationships between images. While I’m not the craftswoman that I would like to be, and things are now not even ‘trying’ to be perfect, I find that the intentions, the connections, the power of the images I choose are truly fascinating. I do. I’m not gonna lie about it.

I own up to my predilection for plagiarizing images. It’s almost as if my work is really a ‘Best Images of the Universe’, and I just line them up, smoosh them together, or categorize them by intent. There is something truly magical that happens when combining striking images --- a spark of comparisons and new found reasonings develops. It’s such a puzzle for me, putting one picture here, and another there --- oh wait, if I do that, then this happens, so I better put it there. Oh wait, it doesn’t fit there! The process is much like listing: ordering, relating, and imagining what the complications. I’m working to embrace my inability to cut right angles. These imperfections are organic representations of the world really (or so I like to tell myself). At this point, I’m emphasizing the wavy lines. Emphasizing the wood grain underneath, or what lies between the images.

When do artists, hell, when do ANY of us humble (teehee) people make room for personal strength, confidence, and outspokenness about the work that we do? When do you get to say, ‘Hello, this is what I do, and I like it. I’m proud of it’? When do we get to take ourselves seriously enough to work REALLY hard to succeed? This choice to keep things humble and modest has only impeded me. I’m choosing to be professional, folks. This show pushes me to make the best work I’ve ever made. Work that pleases me, and frankly should be on my own dang Happy List!

i've always loved...

the calligraphers at the Salem Art Fair. This year I got two names done with great joy! We had such a good time making popsicle stick frames, getting face painted, and frolicking around.

friday list of disparate things

• I am amused when places are clearly closed but they forgot to switch off their neon signs. If you and I have spent much time together driving around town at night, you will have undoubtedly heard me say, ‘Oh look, let’s go get a sewing machine, because Whitlock’s must be pulling an all-nighter sale. They’re still open!’
• There’s a used car lot on the corner of Lancaster and State St. It never used to have a name, but now it appears to have two! (grumblegrumble) ‘Jessy & Son’ as well as ‘Jesse & Son’. Um…don’t you think you would know how to spell your OWN NAME?!?!?
• Amanda Blake and her brilliant art will be at the Art Fair this weekend. Sigh…
• FYI: My Pandora station played an early Billy Joel song ‘Laura’, and um…it’s kinda great.
• Then it played David Bowie’s ‘Life on Mars’. That song ---- it’s GENIUS! Thank you, Pandora, Thank youuuuu! They’ve also played some exciting music (new to me) by Saturday Looks Good To Me, The Research, and Supergrass.
• A good friend of mine is making me think about the value of caribou
• Another good friend of mine has been talking about pulled pork sandwiches all day. Mmmmm!

ridiculously

Some things are positively too cute, and these WishComeTrue Figurines from Fred Flare take the cake! I am both frightened&deeply in love with them. Sigh...

I often say of my children, sometimes even other children! that they're 'So cute, they don't even know it. They can't help it.,' which is kind of a funny thing to say. Are sweet bubbly happy cute people inadvertently being this way? Or is there some effort invested in carrying on all sunshiney?

Exactly 15 days until the Show. I'm getting both frightened&deeply in love with it. The pieces are really coming together. The frames are looking good. Some of it just happens --- organically like simling --- put a few striking images together and there it is: intrigue. The rest of it though --- it is EFFORT! Effort to find the perfect placement, to use the right adhesive, to purposefully NOT perfect things and cut things properly -- yeah, that takes effort too!

I am a flutter with worries&joy, excitement&exhaustion. It's all worth it. Finally putting the work out there to be seen.

name my new friend! (and throw the rest of this crazy tuesday out the window!)

My new Alpaca friend has joined me in my cube. She's delightful. I would prefer a name with beginning with 'A'. Chey, I'm expecting at least one good suggestion....

So yeah, in a day full of dread and worry (all money & work related!), good friends and Ms. Alpaca have surely lit the way through this repulsive day that has been Tuesday.

RavenBeauty...

Each year, on the day of your birth, I celebrate YOU****YOU****YOU!

Dear dear friend, beautiful woman, fantastic loving mother, resilient & charming & hilarious, I adore you!

Happy Birthday, Jennifer!

60+ happifying things

· Oysters, and how they taste like the beach
· All the lovely little shops in which to browse
· Strange bunnies (perhaps in clothes, perhaps with red eyes)
· Deer
· Owls
· Pulled-pork sandwiches
· Pineapple juice
· Talking about adhesives
· Mrs. Pac-Man marathons with Ry
· FYI
· Fun bottlecaps
· The size, weight and feel of quarters
· Half dollars
· Jacob’s blueberry/ginger crisp
· Other people being ‘infected’ with Jacob’s lingo
· Shaving cream, shaving brushes, and shaving cups
· Barber shops
· Smoking cloves with sassy Jennifer
· Homemade toast & jam at Off Center Café
· Rainy days in school, that kept us off the playground and inside all warm and cozy doing word searches and connect-the-dots
· Tim playing Rockband with me, even though I sux at it! :(
· Steve Martin playing the banjo
· When my cup gets a fresh refill of coffee
· Shiny paper and binder clips
· Smead catalogs
· Iced green tea lattes
· The concept & aesthetic of bubble tea
· Spotting hot air balloons in the sky
· GORGEOUS large, low-set orange full moons
· All About Eve
· Grilled hamburgers
· Handmade frames by Ryan for me!
· Fresh strawberries
· Nectarines
· Collage (on Alberta St.)
· Oilcloth handbags
· 94.7’s Perfect Playlist
· Long strings of great songs on the radio
· A full carload of happy singing-along friends
· My girls singing ‘The Little Green Frog’ song
· Newsprint paper from school that had a large space for illustration above and dotted lines below for the story (erasing anything will tear the paper!) Hate using it, but it makes me happy to look at it
· Eating the ice cream cone, full of ice cream
· Twist soft serve ice cream
· Thai curry
· Picnicking with work friends
· Corkscrew maple trees
· Fields of windmills
· Delilah! In her summer hat!
· Yarn stores
· Janella’s laugh
· Solomon’s unabashed snobbery
· Sourdough
· Pumpernickel bread
· Trying new cheeses
· Dwight on ‘The Office’
· “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” tv show
· Growing a garden: strawberries, tomatoes, carrots, broccoli, sweet pea, peonies, lilies, kittynip, parsley, thyme, basil, zucchini, peppers, daisies, hydrangeas
· Pinked clouds in a sun-setting sky
· Keeping all my mental files updated on people I love (she likes this, he doesn’t, etc.)
· Checking things off my lists!
· Overusing exclamation points!!
· Text messages
· Baby clothes
· Cheyenne's love of Sharpies!
· Naked Lady Swaps
· Photocopied hands
· Reusable shopping bags
· Honey mustard
· Megan's thoughtfulness
· Ruby Ale at McMenamins
· Rothko’s paintings
· David Byrne
· Going out on the town with Nicole
· Feeling like it ‘all makes sense’
· Swimming
· Checking out a dozen children’s books at the library
· The word ‘clandestine’
· Jacob’s LEMONCURD!
· Brandy’s rose petal jelly
· Having people around with those fancy phones that have internets to check things like directions, and who’s playing at the fair
· Junior mints

a bountiful life

(Jacob's pantry. Notice the cubbies of things. They hold sauce packets, the smart over the door organizer, and the shelves and SHELVES of food! There are three shelves you can't even see!)

I grew up in a house where when money was tight, we'd have in our cupboards: one can of kidney beans, two cans of beets, bread crumbs, apple cider vinegar, and sometimes stale taco shells. In the freezer we'd have frozen veggies, and in the fridge we'd have many containers of 'gone bad' leftovers and an enormous jar of marashino cherries. You could say, that we had no food, and I would. 'Mom, we need food.'

As an adult, I have more or less mimicked what I saw growing up. I get a few cans of this, some fresh veggies, etc., but never more than what will get me through the next week. I am not a 'oh look, oatmeal is on sale, let's get 12 boxes' kind of person -------- but I want to be. I am working on allowing for 'stocking up' in my food budget. It's all so new to me though.

Now that I eat meat (glorious, fantastic, AMAZING meat ((sigh))), I have this strong desire to get a deep freezer and buy all sorts of meat (on sale meat! woohoo!), or go in with a few people and split up a cow, you know...like you do. Now that meals are routine, and I am veering away from cereal as my maincourse, I want to have fully-stocked cupboards so this issue of 'we have nothing to eat' never comes up with my children.

Perhaps my maternal instinct is FINALLY kicking in, and this desire to provide for my family dominates my thinking. Food is playing such an integral role in life for me these days, and I just want to be able to whip up meatloaf, and blueberry crisp for dessert. Yeah, yeah, I realize I'm not Jacob and that cooking isn't 'my thing', but I just feel different now. So many options to entice us all.

My dear dear friends, Solomon & Janella, and their ADORABLE daughter Delilah are here visiting. Solomon recently ended a long stint being a vegetarian as well. This has been a wonderful week of exploring our tastebuds and rediscovering the wonderful adventures of tasting and sharing fantastic meals. There is something marvelous about being with him, his family, Jennifer and her family, all being together (where are you Girl, when I need you?!?) and eating substantially. I never knew what I was missing out on.