never was a ‘stuffed animal’ girl.

I never wanted to sleep in a sea of my little furry critters, like some of my other friends. Some had them all lined up on their pillow. Not me. I was never terribly attached to one bear, or one dolly. One of my dearest friends used to like to sleep in a sea of his favorite clothing, all smothering his blankets. To me, it’s my people that I want to all pile in on my king-sized bed for a long long afternoon nap.

I have an attachment disorder. So very attached to so many people. I don't want to move from one person to the next, I want just want to keep adding the newbies. I suppose this accounts for my love of throwing parties and having knitting/crafting nights. Let’s get ALL of my favorite people together --- please. I'm not one for having TWO close friends, or staying in all the time. It pains me when I go a long time without seeing someone. I want to divide all my time between my oodles of people and be with them constantly. Time management is an issue for me.

It always amazes me when I find someone new that intrigues me and doesn't seem to mind me monopolizing their time. I wonder if I'm "coming on too strong" with friends. Am I calling too much, should I wait three days like courting men do? The truth is, I want to see 'my people' at all times. So so important to me that I don't lose touch with anyone either. I may move away, or change jobs, but you must know that once you've reached Gabrielle's Gates of Obsession; you ain't never leaving! Muahahahaaaa!

I have been accused of trying to get everyone to be my best friend, and I think that's a fair accusation (although I will do a bit of squabbling should you use it against me). My tendency with 'my people' is to try to see them as much as humanly possible. Perhaps we could gluestick our arms together? I would know how you go through your day, how you interact with your own people, how you eat your food, choose your clothing. I think this shadowing desire was part of MacKenzie's astute observation that I have no boundaries. Oh, the boundaryless girl.

Was I supposed to shut up a long time ago? Or refrain from telling you the inner workings of my mind, and ALL of my ultimate fears? Was I not supposed to ask about why you would leave him for her? Was I not supposed to flirt so much, and find your perimeters of what's appropriate? Boundaries, boundaries. Should we not talk about it? I’m really just in awe with everyone and their distinctiveness. I feel hardwired to have these exchanges of intimacy --- a bearing of our souls.

I do find myself falling into situations where I have laid out my life's story to someone I have barely met. I think we have this understanding between us, when in reality they're sweating to get out of the conversation. I suppose they weren't quite ready for the 'my mother abandoned me' bit. There are times though, when there is this magical connection between me and 'my people', where I truly feel connected for life. Somewhere in the sky, you and I share a wondrous star.

I wish I could say that I have accepted my predilection for finding my dozens of peoplemates, but I'm not. Grappling with some common understanding of how our society works: one secure life romantic relationship, solid family, two close friends, five acquaintances, etc. Where does my village fit? I think the most vulnerable part is always wondering if the scale ever gets close to even though. Will I always like you, need you, want your time and attention more? Will I always be this needy about reassurance? Where did all this wetblanket insecurity begin? Even after a ten year relationship with Ryan, I was still wondering if he liked me.

Certainly there are aspects of some friendships, whether it's been said or not, I know there is solid mutual adoration. As for the rest of you, I guess I'll just keep enjoying you, and unless you tell me otherwise, I'm gonna put my faith in believing you enjoy me too.

At the end of this, I bet there’ll be some questions as to the identity of ‘my people’, but I’m pretty sure it’s obvious. Maybe I should have stuck with stuffed animals after all.