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Wandering the blogworld, I came upon Karen's blog and this hilarious post about hating The Muppets. Not sure how many of you know, but I A.D.O.R.E. them! I always have. I do think The Muppet Show was an odd-odd production, often geared towards adults than children. What's the deal with those old crotchety men? And the eagle? There are many characters I will love forever. It is Kermit, however, that I surround my love and devotion.I think Kermit is sexy. I do. I know it's strange, but I am ACTUALLY ATTRACTED TO KERMIT THE FROG! I used to fantasize about kissing him! (((It's full disclosure here today on shedreamsingrids.))) Especially when he was the reporter on Sesame Street, I found his wit to be quite alluring. The way he pulls in his frog lips when furrowed with a problem, his voice, and of course, the way he dances! Arms stretched out (two poles propping them up) he does fast 180 degree rotations, and with such joy!
The attraction began early, but was greatly heightened by The Muppets' parodies that happened in the early 90s. It was easy to get posters, tshirts,
and other ridiculous paraphernalia, like the 'Amphibian' cologne below (which YES, I do have!). By this time I was in high school, and the kitschiness of adoring Kermit was kinda charming (no?), so it was easy to still secretly want him as my boyfriend.
Is this ridiculous? Yes. Is it true? Yes. I like him. A lot. No, we don't need to discuss that piece of bacon that adores him. She's redunkulous! How hideous! What can he possibly see in her? Meh. He's a loyal, hardworking, genius of a frog, and I believe in his talent.
Writing this, I realize that there's more to my love of animals. While sifting through a giant piles of images with Jacob. I came across this image painted by Michelangelo:
Leda and the Swan
Do you guys know the story of 'Leda and the Swan'? Zeus masquerades as a swan and SUCCESSFULLY seduces Leda?!?!? Yeah, crazy, but am I ENTIRELY wrong to think this image is hot? Yeah, I know. I'm crazy about nonmammals! Can we at least agree that it's erotic?
I am compelled to share that I don't actually want to have sex with animals; this is just a fantasy of characters. Why though? Why is it so important that you leave this reading WITHOUT the belief that I'm 'into animals'? It's both humorous/frightening and true/false. Not sure if I could possibly convince anyone of the validity of my arousal here, or if I have, that I still maintain shreds of sanity. It's just so unfortunate that my attraction to this frog and this swan will divide us forever.
7 comments:
I will never leave you alone with my dog again!
This is the funniest thing I have read since p texted me after having crapped her pants in pdx. I guess it's funnier still because this is not the first time I have heard this, and I realize just how deep seated this attraction really, truly, genuinely is.
Cut to you, years from now, at one of those "furries" sexual fetish conventions searching out some short person in green with whom to writhe together in the dark. LOL. Ew.
okay...i threw up a little bit in my mouth reading this.
A) Writing this, I realize that there's more to my love of animals.
um, he's not an animal. he's some felt or polyester with a squunchable face.
B) Why is it so important that you leave this reading WITHOUT the belief that I'm 'into animals'?
tooooo freaking late!
C) you know, beastiality is one thing (jacob you are wise to hide that unsuspecting dog of yours), but muppet lust is, is, verboten.
D) my psychiatrist's number is 503 581 7700. he's not taking new patients currently, but i have an inkling that he might see fit to make an exception.
E) i'm afraid to see your lists now.
Um. I like the muppets too?
For years, I've sincerely believed I was the Muppets' biggest fan. And so, it's with solemn resignation that I pass the title onto you, Gabrielle.
...wonderful post though! I loved it!
yeah, i did want to say a couple things:
1. most of this is past tense
2. most
3. i know it's hideous and crazy, but kinda true. it isn't a seriously SEXUAL desire of Kermit or the ZeusSwan, but there is an attraction there
4. i guess i didn't fully think of kermit as a nonfrog. so maybe this isn't really about animals at all --- it's a polyfiber deal.
5. but still, equally embarrrassing?
OMG! I can't believe I JUST now came across this blog entry. I went to link my Muppets blog entry for one of my FB friends and I just now noticed that you had linked your entry to mine (how's that for a run-on, disjointed sentence?).
This entry is HILARIOUS and oh-so-disturbing. LOL! I couldn't stop laughing. Fantasizing about kissing Kermit. That put me over the edge with laughter, Gab!
I have an old, ratty Oscar the Grouch hand puppet from the '70s if you ever want to borrow it for...well, you know for what. I know it isn't Kermit, but Oscar will do in a pinch, right? And, he has a heart-shaped pink tongue glued inside of his Muppet mouth.
Let me know if you are interested and I'll hook you up.
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