precious...my sweet sweet precious

I need you magazines, with your glossiness, your unexplainable sexy smell, and smooth, sweet smoothness. My body aches for a giant tub of images, all intermingled with editorials and advertisements. I long to brush my cerebral cortex with cut outs of something previously captured --- something previously conceived. I keep consuming more and more magazines, raking through them as if they were basic sustenance, and I am finding nothing. Nothing of value. Nothing worth cutting. Have I become too picky, or am I refining my search?

I found myself in the midst of a goldmine, or what I believed would be one, this weekend, thumbing through some erotic books and images that I have not visited in a couple of years. Did I cut a single square? I think so. I believe there were two or three pieces that I needed for my collection. I am not interested in anything too blatant. I am not interested in anything too obvious. I am cutting pieces of horizons, sliced with fabric design. I am attracted to the abstract distilled from a tangible world. I am cutting unrecognizable genius. Did the artist even know that little frame of gorgeousness was there?

I have always fought with personal reluctance in recycling the magazines I have pillaged. My romantic mind is loyal to them, as if they were old friends, believing that there is still something in those pages worth seeing. I keep these magazine carcasses for years. When will they ever incite some new spark within me? What could I have possibly overlooked? It is time. It is time to move on, and pay some respect to these tired rags. Give them peace, Gabrielle. Let them go.

I remain hopeful. One of my main suppliers (and sweetest friends) bequeathed some fresh blood upon me yesterday. OH! THE EXCITEMENT! OH! The anticipation! I feel like a rabid animal, out for the kill! I am close to demanding all of you give me what you have. You don’t need that Vogue, I do! What is new and unchartered for me to tango with? I am waiting for you, lovely, inspiring, snapshot of perfection…We will be so happy together.