itsy bitsy

I have been listing so much lately, today for Friday’s list, I think I just need to write instead.

I have an addiction I haven’t wanted to share with anyone yet…it’s Spider Solitaire. The thing that’s weird about this game, that as Often as I play it, I almost Never enjoy it. Winning or not. It’s just a compulsion ---- it’s my cigarette break, although I would like to think that smokers Love their cigarettes but I have known a number of smokers that don’t even think about smoking their cigarettes, it’s really just habit.

I’ll come home from work, kiss on the family, change my clothes, feed Fishyboykittyboyofgoodness, and then say outloud ‘Sure, I’d love to _______, just let me play One game’. It’s become this running joke because of course, it’s never just One game! And why? Ryan found out for me by reading the rules that not every game is beatable, so after I play it and lose, and then restart it, and lose, I’ll often let myself play a New game. Ooooh, new. Sparkly new…and surprisingly Just as boring! So why? Why is this my smoke break?

The truth is, if I had the internet, I would rather be playing Free Tetris, or Free Boggle or something of that nature. I guess this is just ‘the thing’ for me to do. It could be anything I suppose. Once I decide I’m Done, I close out and there’s not an inkling of sadness about it (not like walking away from a stirring art project or a riveting movie). I just close the window and go about my evening. There is this unexplainable urge though --- to go back sometimes and to just catch one more game.

How can boring myself become the entertainment itself? Am I alone in choosing the world’s lamest activities as ‘stress relievers’, and can I even categorize this as a stress reliever if in fact, I’m bothered by its boring characteristics, thus Causing stress by my disappointment in choices? Bah, I say. But before you respond, I just have One thing to do. Hold on.