7.25.2008

shamelss self-promotion

Albrecht Durer painted a self-portrait of himself. That’s fine, most artists do. Durer’s self-portrait though, was Durer as Jesus (more on that if you’re interested…)! There is this line that people cross which has always made me retch, somewhere along the lines you stop talking about this thing you’re good at, and it becomes this pontification of how you’re the BEST! And BRIGHTEST! with the MOST potential! the SMARTEST COOLEST EVER! Bah, I say. Bah! I always want to stick a little pinprick in their monologues, forcing them to see the errors of their ways. How rude! Let your talents speak for themselves!

Perhaps I’ve been bitter. I’ve spent so much life abhorring any expression of the ego. Now I feel like I have come full-circle and can barely stand it when people speak in modesty (especially when it’s FALSE!). The truth is, I am proud of the artwork I’ll be showing at the Coffee House. I am showing it to the world (well, mainly my friends and whomever frequents the café) because I honestly believe it has value and is interesting to look at. I would like to hang some of it on my walls. Is that weird? Meh. I’m tired of caring or worrying about how that would somehow mean I was a narcissist barely looking away from my own reflection. Is there something inherently wrong with enjoying the food that you make, or living in the house that you built? No. Listening to the music you make, or watching the movies you star in, or reading the books you wrote? Yeah, somehow this is on par with hanging your own artwork…but why?!? Oh the miracle rules of etiquette. There are things that are JUST NOT DONE! I’m just not sure that I want to follow those parameters any longer.

So Gabrielle, why can’t you just let people decide for themselves? Why MUST you go ON and ONNNNNN about it (oh and PS, I am about to go on and on, so just skip this post should you not be interested!)? I suppose selfishly, a large portion of my artmaking process is just the ‘thinking’ part. I really like to think of myself more as an art collector, hoarding these images for myself, and arranging them in visually interesting ways. I am not really ‘creating’ anything. Preparing for this show and forcing under gunpoint both Ryan and Jacob to talk me through these processes has bordered on masturbation. I mean seriously, there is NOTHING more satisfying than finding/developing these visual relationships between images. While I’m not the craftswoman that I would like to be, and things are now not even ‘trying’ to be perfect, I find that the intentions, the connections, the power of the images I choose are truly fascinating. I do. I’m not gonna lie about it.

I own up to my predilection for plagiarizing images. It’s almost as if my work is really a ‘Best Images of the Universe’, and I just line them up, smoosh them together, or categorize them by intent. There is something truly magical that happens when combining striking images --- a spark of comparisons and new found reasonings develops. It’s such a puzzle for me, putting one picture here, and another there --- oh wait, if I do that, then this happens, so I better put it there. Oh wait, it doesn’t fit there! The process is much like listing: ordering, relating, and imagining what the complications. I’m working to embrace my inability to cut right angles. These imperfections are organic representations of the world really (or so I like to tell myself). At this point, I’m emphasizing the wavy lines. Emphasizing the wood grain underneath, or what lies between the images.

When do artists, hell, when do ANY of us humble (teehee) people make room for personal strength, confidence, and outspokenness about the work that we do? When do you get to say, ‘Hello, this is what I do, and I like it. I’m proud of it’? When do we get to take ourselves seriously enough to work REALLY hard to succeed? This choice to keep things humble and modest has only impeded me. I’m choosing to be professional, folks. This show pushes me to make the best work I’ve ever made. Work that pleases me, and frankly should be on my own dang Happy List!

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